Hugo Chávez burst onto the world stage like a Tasmanian devil, making bold reform efforts, snubbing convention and telling George Bush, Inc. to go to Hell. He’s far more deserving of the title Person of the Year than that phony philanthropist and software terrorist Bill Gates.

Now, if you tell me you aren’t quite sure what to make of Hugo Chávez, I’m not going to bite your head off. After all, there are a lot of complex issues swirling around him, and it’s hard sorting the truth out of the mountain of propaganda and disinformation the media dumps on us.

But people who think Chávez is all bad are out to lunch. Whether his Bolivarian Revolution ultimately succeeds or fails, Chávez has undeniably scored some major hits.

I decided to make a list of ten of Hugo Chávez’ greatest accomplishments. Ironically, composing such a list is tough because of the sheer number of initiatives Chávez has launched.

Accordingly, I welcome feedback from people who would like to offer their own suggestions.

1. Winning Office

George W. Bush never won anything fair and square in his life. He was effectively appointed Governor of Texas with no prior political experience. Later, he cheated his ass off to become pResident, with a little help from traitors Al Gore and John Kerry.

In contrast, Hugo Chávez first grabbed power in a coup (1992), was later elected (1998) and was re-elected twice (2000 and 2006). That’s quite an accomplishment in a Latin American nation that has long been manipulated by the United States.

Moreover, Chávez has been elected by much greater margins than George W. Bush, and his elections have generally been deemed fair. That fact alone gives Chávez a dignity Bush will never enjoy.

2. Surviving a Coup

On April 9, 2002, Chávez was taken prisoner in a coup. Yet his popularity provoked pro-Chávez uprisings, and the military rallied behind Chávez. This event only strengthened Chávez, while making the U.S. look like a loser yet again.

In the meantime, if George W. Bush was taken prisoner in a coup, would anyone except right-wing religious kooks and corporate thugs miss the SOB?

3. Paying off Debt Early

On April 30, 2007 Chávez announced that Venezuela would be formally pulling out of the IMF and the World Bank, having paid off its debts five years ahead of schedule, saving US $8 million in doing so.

Hmmm...do you suppose the U.S. will be paying off its debts any time soon?

4. Calling George Bush the Devil

Hugo Chávez is perhaps best known for heaping insults on George W. Bush, a habit even some of his fans apologize for. In fact, Chávez deserves a gold star for telling it like it is. While other world leaders meekly appease Dumbya, Chávez tells him where to shove it.

Of course, George W. Bush likes to call Chávez names, too, but does he have the guts to visit Venezuela and say it to Chávez’ face?

Chávez’ most famous insult may be the one he delivered at the United Nations on September 20, 2006, when he referred to George Bush as the Devil (Video). Chávez received a round of applause.

The icing on the cake? Reaction to Chávez’ speech helped demonstrate how far gone liberals are. Democrat Charlie Rangel demonstrated that he rivals Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice as America’s chief Uncle Tom when he rallied behind “my president” (Video). And who can take the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart seriously after his little anti-Chávez tantrum (Video)?

5. Nationalizing Oil

No, Venezuela’s most valuable natural resource hasn’t been completely nationalized; foreign corporations are still doing business there.

However, Chávez took charge, rewriting their business arrangements. As a bonus, Chávez’ terms were severe enough to drive Exxon away. And that was before Chávez took an even bigger cut in the form of a new windfall tax.

The danger to Corporate America is that other nations may start emulating Venezuela, making foreign corporations pay a fair share for the natural resources they pilfer. Even worse, U.S. citizens may decide to hold Exxon and its fellow energy whores accountable.

6. SATO

Militarization is correctly seen as evil in general, but it can be a necessary evil. Not equipping Venezuela to defend itself from the U.S. and its proxy state of Colombia would be treasonous.

This is yet another task Chávez tackled with gusto, acquiring thousands of Kalashnikov assault rifles, fighter jets, helicopters and even submarines. Adding insult to injury, Chávez didn’t even purchase his new toys from the U.S. But the best was yet to come.

In April 2008, Chávez proposed the creation of a South Atlantic Treaty Organization (SATO), a Latin American military alliance reminiscent of NATO. If the nation that arrogantly created the Monroe Doctrine understands nothing but military might, then Hugo Chávez is prepared to teach that nation a valuable lesson.

7. TeleSUR

On July 24, 2005, Chávez inaugurated TeleSUR, a proposed pan-American homologue of Al Jazeera that seeks to challenge the present domination of Latin American television news by Univision and the United States-based CNN en Español.

One has to wonder who was more infuriated, George W. Bush or America’s army of media whores.

8. Bank of the South

After paying off Venezuela’s debt, Chávez announced the creation of a regional bank, the Bank of the South, an alternative to the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and the World Bank. This is a great strategy for achieving independence from “Yankee Imperialism” and weakening Corporate America, all in one fell swoop.

9. Exxon Showdown

Hugo Chávez’ efforts to hold foreign corporations acountable were dealt a staggering blow on February 7, 2008, when Exxon got court orders in the U.S., United Kingdom, Netherlands and Netherlands Antilles freezing more than $12 billion of PDVSA’s assets. (The dispute with PDVSA stemmed from the nationalization of Exxon’s stake in a Venezuelan Orinoco River Belt project, known as Cerro Negro.) So would the Latin American strongman finally knuckle under to brute corporate power?

No. He fought back. And he kicked butt.

On March 18, 2008 British Judge Paul Walker declared that the freezing of $12 billion in assets of the Venezuelan state oil company PDVSA shall be revoked. In the meantime, Chávez cut off oil supplies to Exxon.

This particular battle isn’t over, and it’s hard to know for sure how it will end. However, even though they continue raking in whorish profits, Exxon’s executives are licking a few wounds.

In the meantime, millions of people around the world are observing the ongoing war between Latin America’s new leaders and foreign corporations with keen interest. I have a hunch there’s a little blowback in Exxon’s future. From that obscene Alaskan oil spill to the war in Iraq to ongoing profiteering, Exxon certainly deserves it.

10. Colombia Showdown

The proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan on March 1, 2008, when Colombian military forces, apparently aided by the U.S., launched a raid on an encampment in neighboring Ecuador, killing about two dozen people. The illegal raid botched Chávez’ efforts to free a high profile hostage (Ingrid Betancourt). Moreover, it gave the U.S. an excuse to label Chávez a terrorist, particularly after a laptop computer was allegedly found with files that allegedly linked Chávez to FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia). Chávez was also labeled an impulsive warhawk for rushing tanks to the Colombian border.

After years of thumbing his nose at the U.S., was this the beginning of the end?

In fact, this tragic event was arguably a sensational victory for the Chavistas. The key words are solidarity and education.

Honorable Mention

Years ago, I sat down and began creating a list of all the bad things George W. Bush had done. The project was so exhausting, I decided to try the opposite approach: List the good things Bush had done.

Needles to say, it was an eerily futile exercise. (Has Bush ever done a decent thing in his pathetic life?)

Fortunately, Hugo Chávez is just the opposite. His accomplishments are really quite amazing.

Accordingly, the list of Chávez’ ten greatest hits I posted above is tentative. In fact, the list should probably be headed by Chávez’ social programs, both domestic and international. One reason I didn’t list it is because it’s kind of hard to evaluate. Chávez has undoubtedly spent a lot of money on health care and education, but are Venezuelans getting their money’s worth, and are these initiatives self-sustaining?

I think the answer to both questions is YES, but the statistics I’ve seen are confusing. So I decided to wait until I get a clearer picture before I list this one among the Top Ten.

Ditto for stimulating the economy. My perception is that Venezuela’s economy is faring very well under Chávez, even with inflation currently dominating the news. But, again, economics is a confusing issue, and I’d like to wait a little longer before listing economic reform as one of Chávez’ ten greatest accomplishments.

Offering discounted fuel oil to U.S. citizens through CITGO should probably be classified under social programs. However, it’s such a cool stunt—on so many levels—it almost deserves a listing by itself. Helping the U.S. recover from Hurricane Katrina doesn’t count, because President George W. Dumbass refused aid offers from both Chávez and Cuba.

Chávez deserves kudos for embracing open source software. However, this initiative is hardly unique; several nations around the world have done the same. What would immediately open a new niche in my Top Ten list is an all-out assault on Billysoft—Bill Gates + Microsoft.

Another item that merits consideration is Chávez’ pardons. I haven’t yet researched them in any detail, but it’s ironic that the man the U.S. government likes to label a thug is so much more compassionate than George W. Bush.

There’s one more item I think deserves recognition, though it’s a little hard to classify. In a nutshell, Chávez helps separate the wheat from the chaff. Let me put it this way: How many elected Democrats can you name who support Chávez?

The answer is close to 0, a reminder that America’s Democrats are nothing more than hemorrhoids on their Republican hosts. I’ve already mentioned comedian-operative Jon Stewart as another Chávez basher. And has Obama ever states his support for Chávez?

I suspect, I’ll eventually be compelled to expand my list to twenty items, instead of ten. I’ll also look into creating some sort of poll, allowing visitors to vote for their favorites.

In the meantime, please contact me with your suggestions.

Get involved! You can join the team by simply visiting Urban Dictionary > Hugo Chavez and clicking the yellow thumbs up icon , indicating you agree with my definition of Hugo Chavez (the first one listed). It may seem trivial, but it’s quick, easy and free, and words and ideas do matter. (On May 13, 2008, the score was 1-3.)