What happens when a political firebrand takes on the most powerful and hated person in the world?

Of course, everyone nows who the world’s most powerful and hated man is—George W. Bush. The identity of the firebrand isn’t much harder to guess, because virtually no one else has the courage to take on George Bush, Inc.

Yes, I’m referring to Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, who is revered around the world largely because of his combative attitude towards Dumbya. Of course, Chávez’ accomplishments go far beyond calling Bush names. But the corporate media don’t like to focus on all the good things Chávez has done for Venezuelans and for people around the world. They prefer to focus on Chávez’ endless assault on Il Dunce.

So let’s take a closer look at one of the greatest battles of our generation. What’s it all about? Who’s winning, and who cares?

George Bush, Inc.

First, the duel between Chávez and Bush isn’t a face to face physical confrontation. Everyone knows George Bush is a pussy. He would never dream of tangling with Chávez.

Rather, George W. Bush here means George Bush, Inc.; ie., the United States. It particularly refers to those facets of the U.S. that are corrupt or sleazy; e.g. the CIA, Pentagon and their corporate masters. We might summarize it as Corporate America, or Team Exxon, as I often refer to Bush’s oily misadminstration.

Of course, corporations based in the U.S. and other nations have been plundering Venezuela for generations, supported by the Monroe Doctrine, which has apparently never expired. Until Chávez stepped up to the plate and put a rather abrupt end to it.

A Free Ride?

In fairness, Chávez did have some advantages. For starters, he was fairly and legally elected, which only made pResident Bush look that much more inferior. Chávez is highly respected around the world, another embarrassment for the worst pResident in modern American history. In addition, Venezuela is the United States’ fourth largest oil supplier.

On top of everything else, it would be hard to invade Venezuela when the U.S. is bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan and is trying to start a war with Iran. In fact, Bush has been widely criticized for ignoring Latin America while engaged in the Middle East, Central Asia, Africa and just about everywhere else.

Thus, Chávez seemed to have a free ride for a time. He hurled insults at Bush and called him names. Chávez defied U.S. institutions and traditions, forging his own way.

Detailing a blow by blow account of Chávez vs Bush would be difficult because their war is—well, asymmetrical. Chávez has nailed Corporate America time and again, while Bush can do little but vent his anger through the corporate media.

Three Major Exchanges

Which isn’t to say the Bushistas haven’t struck back—they have. But they haven’t launched many offensives that were tremendously successful. Of course, Corporate America’s strategies are generally cloaked in secrecy, making it difficult to understand exactly what’s going on. Is any particular anti-Chávez protest genuine or Made in America?

As near as I can determine, the U.S. has landed three major blows against Chávez, who quickly recovered to land some powerful blows of his own:

• Coup (April 9, 2002)
• Exxon (February 7, 2008)
• Colombian Raid (March 1, 2008)

In fact, I listed each of these as victories for Chávez on my Greatest Hits page. Chávez survived and was strengthened by the coup, which made the U.S. look very, very bad. Apparently, it also pissed Chávez off.

After Exxon got a court order freezing more than $12 billion of PDVSA’s (Venezuela’s state-owned oil company) assets, Chávez counter-attacked and sent Exxon reeling. The big danger for Exxon is that other nations may be inclined to emulate Venezuela and make foreign corporations pay their fair share for the natural resources they extract.

The Colombian raid is more complex. Colombia launched a military raid across the border in Ecuador, killing about two dozen people, including Ecuadorian and Mexican citizens. Some asshole who participated in the raid claimed they confiscated a laptop computer, which allegedly contained filed linking Hugo Chávez to FARC, considered a terrorist group by Colombia and its puppetmaster, the United States.

So was this a victory for Chávez or Bush?

First, I should mention a fourth major blow the U.S. has landed against Chávez, one that can’t really be pinpointed in time. That blow is an ongoing assault by an army of media whores. These are the people who have continuously painted Hugo Chávez as a dictatorial thug, a moron, a communist and on and on.

The Colombian raid was their cue to play the T card, linking Chávez to TERRORISM. They’ve certainly worked hard at brainwashing the public, as the magical jungle laptop continues to supply details of Chávez’ terrorist activities.

Yet it would still be rash to proclaim the Colombia raid a victory for Team Exxon. The raid itself was blatantly illegal, unethical and stupid. It also had USA written all over it.

Indeed, Ecuador’s President Rafael Correa complained of links between Colombia’s military forces and a U.S. base located at Manta, Ecuador. He also claimed his administration had been infiltrated by the CIA. That’s more bad publicity for the U.S.

In addition, nations throughout Latin America united in condemning Ecuador for its actions. Thus, the Colombian raid helped strengthen and unify Latin America. But the story doesn’t end there.

Still pissed off at Colombia, Correa has promised to make good on a campaign pledge to boot the U.S. military out of Colombia. In the meantime, an army of media whores continues to pound out the message that Hugo Chávez is a TERRORIST.

Autonomy = Secession?

At the same time, another major event is transpiring in Bolivia, another ally of Venezuela. It seems wealthier white residents want to escape President Evo Morales’ socialist reforms by declaring their autonomy from Bolivia. Several provinces are set to follow Santa Cruz, which has already voted for autonomy.

This rich man’s autonomy drive is obviously a thorny problem for President Morales. But is it an internal problem facing Bolivia only?

Many people believe this sudden passion for autonomy has roots in the U.S. In other words, it’s merely the latest strategy for derailing socialism and grassroots democracy in Latin America. I haven’t studied it closely enough, nor do I have all the facts I need to form my own conclusion. However, Evo Morales himself condemned the U.S. for meddling in Bolivia’s internal affairs.

There’s also a matter of timing. The autonomy drive follows right on the heels of Colombia’s ill-fated cross-border raid.

In the meantime, conspiracy theorists are whispering about a planned autonomy drive in Venezuela, which will supposedly be invaded by Colombia, acting as a U.S. proxy, of course. Sound far fetched?

It could be, but I left out one interesting detail: The U.S. has reactivated the Fourth Fleet. No, this isn’t some unproven conspiracy theory; it’s a widely reported fact. (See The Return of the Fourth Fleet)

Here’s the conspiracy theory: Certain elements are claiming that the U.S. and Colombia are plotting to encourage an autonomy/secession drive in the Venezuelan state of Zuila as part of a broader plot to topple Chávez. This theory involves not only paramilitary groups but the Colombian military invading Venezuela (see Uribe Would Be Involved in the “Final Offensive” Against Venezuela).

Frankly, I find this particular conspiracy theory a little hard to swallow, not because it’s a conspiracy theory—there are conspiracies all around us—but because it just sounds a little lame. Hugo Chávez is no coward, nor is he a dummy; if Colombian troops invade Venezuela, he’ll fight back. He’s probably done a pretty good job of planning for this type of mischief and is ready for most eventualities.

And if other countries, notably Brazil, get drawn into the conflict, that would be very bad news for Colombia (and the U.S.).

What Comes Next?

But does that mean Venezuela has nothing to fear from Corporate America? Well, let’s apply a little logic.

It’s no secret that Hugo Chávez is hated by America’s plutocrats. The U.S. supported a coup against Chávez and has been involved in various plots to infiltrate and destabilize Venezuela.

In the meantime, Chávez has pissed Team Exxon off repeatedly by nationalizing corporations, thumbing his nose at U.S. institutions and on and on. Pouring salt on the wound, he has gained a strong following among other nations, which have been electing leftist leaders, even in Paraguay. You can almost smell the desperation in the White House.

It looked like the U.S. had scored a rare point when Exxon socked it to Venezuela in the courtroom. But Chávez turned the tables.

Colombia’s cross-border raid was an audacious stunt with USA written all over it. It greatly raised the stakes. It was quickly followed by the autonomy drive in Bolivia and the reactivation of the Fourth Fleet.

In the meantime, the media war has been intensifying. One of the world’s vilest right-wing rags printed a an anti-Chávez column by one of America’s greatest war criminals (The Smart Way to Beat Tyrants Like Chávez, Donald Rumsfeld, Washington Post, December 2, 2007). The ongoing media frenzy over Chávez’ supposed terrorist links cannot be ignored.

Now, if you were working for George Bush, Inc., would you want to take out Venezuela sooner or later? The longer you wait, the more damage Chávez will do, holding corporations accountable, rallying other nations and strengthening his military.

Consider, also, the political situation in the U.S. As I write this, George W. Dumbass has about half a year left in office. Now I don’t think things are going to change that much after Bush leaves office. I think even a President Obama would continue to screw with Venezuela.

However, Bush is the war president, and there can be unforeseen problems with new administrations. Is it possible that George W. Bush might start wars with Iran and/or Venezuela before he leaves office?

Absolutely. I’m not making any specific predictions. I just think there’s a good chance we’ll see some sort of fireworks before Bush slithers out of the White House.

Then again, some people are speculating that Hugo Chávez has already won. Corporate America has to concede that the political reform tsunami washing over Latin America is unstoppable, especially when the U.S. is grappling with so many other problems. Engaging in blatant thuggery against Venezuela could easily provoke not only an entire continent but nations around the world.

But Hugo Chávez would be smart to keep one eye open.

In closing, here’s a revised list of U.S. blows against Venezuela in particular and Latin America in general. (Chávez’ most notable counterpunches are listed under Chávez’ Greatest Hits.) Perhaps I should add Bill Gates’ sudden renewed interest in Latin America’s education scene.

• Media War (Ongoing)
• Infiltration & Intrigue (Ongoing)
• Coup (April 9, 2002)
• Exxon (February 7, 2008)
• Colombian Raid in Ecuador (March 1, 2008)
• Campaign Autonomy in Bolivia (May 2008)
• Fourth Fleet Reactivation (July 1, 2008)
• Secession in Venezuela? Invasion of Venezuela? Economic blockade of Venezuela?

Get involved! You can join the team by simply visiting Urban Dictionary > Hugo Chavez and clicking the yellow thumbs up icon , indicating you agree with my definition of Hugo Chavez (the first one listed). It may seem trivial, but it’s quick, easy and free, and words and ideas do matter. (On May 13, 2008, the score was 1-3.)