Well, the eyes of the world are upon us once again. George W. Bush’s eight-year reign of terror is coming to an end, and a weary world is praying that those stupid Americans don’t elect someone as bad as Dubya—like John McStrange or Billary Clinton. Frankly, I think Obama is a corporate operative himself.

But even if Obama is genuine (and gets elected), I don’t think he has what it takes to undo the damage done by the worst pResident in American history. Let’s face it, this presidential campaign is a lost cause. It’s just another tug of war between corrupt Republicans and corrupt Democrats starring candidates vetted by Corporate America, none of whom truly support Hugo Chávez, me or the voters and taxpayers in general.

Which is why I’d like to ask President Chávez an urgent question: Would you consider endorsing me?

You see, I’m running my sixth campaign for public office, having run for a seat on the Seattle School Board three times before and twice aiming for Superintendent of Public Instruction (SPI), the top education office here in Washington State. This year, I’m once again running for SPI, challenging the corrupt incumbent, corporate whore Terry Bergeson.

Why Chávez Should Ignore Me

So why should President Hugo Chávez take time out from his busy schedule to endorse a relative unknown who’s running for a state office that many people in his home state aren’t even aware exists? Well, let me start by offering seven reasons Chávez could offer for declining my invitation:

That’s right, between establishment corruption and those famously apathetic and stupid American voters, I’d probably have a better chance of getting elected if I embezzled some money. Grassroots activists may be respected in Venezuela, but not here in the U.S.

The corporate media would almost certainly portray Chávez and me both as a pair of loony tunes who are desperate for allies, and Chávez’ enemies would condemn him for meddling in U.S. politics.

Why Chávez Should Endorse Me

Yet I can also offer some powerful reasons for Chávez to consider endorsing me.

The Preliminaries

I didn’t pop out of thin air to announce my candidacy, then throw up a typically insipid campaign website. As I said, this is my sixth campaign for public office, and I have several websites with thousands of pages. Nor am I another one-issue candidate; it’s easy to get a pretty good idea what I’m all about.

Chávez could easily ask some of his supporters to check me out. If he wants to dispatch an agent to Seattle to administer a polygraph test, I’d be happy to comply. Indeed, such a stunt could boost my standing in the polls. (But, please, contact me in advance to make arrangements. I don’t want any CIA agents posing as chavistas dropping in on me.)

Education Politics

If the office I seek seems trivial, it’s because most parents and teachers here in the U.S. are clueless. Education matters, and a public office is no bigger or smaller than the person who occupies it.

How many people knew who the President of Venezuela was before Hugo Chávez arrived on the scene? Once he got in office, Chávez spoke out boldy—and he walked the talk as well.

If I was elected Superintendent of Public Instruction, I guarantee people would take the office more seriously. I have no intention of scrapping my websites or toning down my language if I get elected. And even if I don’t get elected, I can make a difference even as a candidate.

By endorsing me, Chávez could also make his mark on Campaign 2008, which will obviously be a historic election. And by endorsing a candidate for local (state) office, he’d be reminding the world that most of the U.S. national elections are lost causes.

The irony is that Americans invest so much in the presidential election, they typically ignore more local elections. But how can citizens take back the White House if they can’t even reform their local school board?

It would be nice if I could emulate Hugo Chávez and take the White House in a coup. Cool, but hardly feasible.

So, for the time being, we must focus on grassroots political issues, like education, which matters to Chávez, too. After all, he’s a college graduate, and both of his parents are teachers.

Yet few people are aware of Chávez’ education credentials or initiatives, because the corporate media are so focused on labeling him a dictator and terrorist. Endorsing me would thus diversify Chávez’ portfolio. It would be especially effective when people compare him to that global moron, George Dumbya Bush.

Earlier, I suggested that Chávez might not want to enhance his reputation for meddling in other nation’s politics. But why shouldn’t he? The U.S. has been meddling in nations around the world for generations.

Chávez certainly hasn’t forgotten the U.S.-sanctioned coup that could have cost him his life, and his neighbors include Colombia, which functions as an extension of the U.S.

Besides, Chávez’ involvement in Campaign 2008 wouldn’t be unsolicited. After all, I’m inviting him to get involved.

WAR!

Fretting that Chávez might get roasted by the corporate media or that he might make new enemies is actually ridiculous. Chávez already has some of the world’s most powerful institutions as enemies, and when do the corporate media ever give him a break? (About as often as they give me a break.)

In fact, a Chávez endorsement would help expose the corruption in local media (e.g. the Seattle Times, Seattle Weekly, etc.).

Endorsing me would be another slap in the face for George W. Dumbass, a man Chávez and I both hate passionately. It would also help me publicize my war against Billysoft, whether Chávez accepts my invitation to add Bill Gates to his hit list or not.

As they say, the best defense is a good offense.

Political Studies, Anyone?

It’s amazing how few Democrats support Hugo Chávez. From Nancy Pelosi to Charlie “Uncle Tom” Rangel to Billary Clinton, they’re nothing more than Vichy Democrats. I believe Obama stated that, if elected, he would be willing to meet with Chávez. How inspirational.

I like what Chávez is doing. I respect him far more than I respect any living U.S. public official I can think of, and I’m proud of it. I’m aware of no elected official or candidate for public office in the U.S. who has a website similar to Viva Chávez.

Endorsing me would thus highlight the fact that most Democrats are corrupt or gutless. If such an endorsement boosted me in the polls, it might actually encourage a few more people to step forward and take a stand.

Chávez obviously enjoys the limelight, and endorsing me would be a great way to publicize his Bolivarian Revolution in the Pacific Northwest, where it’s already fairly popular among liberals...in theory.

In fact, I promise that, if Chávez endorses me, I’ll include his name in my statement in the Voters Pamphlet, as I did the last time I ran for public office. But this time, my statement will be read by voters statewide, not just in Seattle.

Endorsing me would help educate the public about many, many issues and ideas. In fact, it would be a fascinating experiment that even Chávez and I could learn from. As a former political science student, I think Chávez will understand and appreciate what I’m talking about.

Terrorism

Apparently tiring of dismissing Chávez as nothing more than a dictatorial buffoon with a big mouth, America’s media whores are now calling him a terrorist, or at least suggesting that he supports terrorists. In the meantime, the U.S. government is reportedly considering the possibility of adding Venezuela to the Axis of Evil.

Endorsing me would throw a minor curve ball at George Bush, Inc. If Chávez is officially designated a supporter of terrorism after he endorses me, it will only give me more publicity—and I’m also the webmaster of Jail4Bush, which focuses on the world’s premier terrorist.

Personal

As I discussed in the Introduction, Hugo Chávez and I are kindred spirits in some respects. He and I have both called George W. Bush an asshole, and we have both more or less declared war against Corporate America.

I would also like to emphasize the fact that I have no political allies, even though I’ve been politically active here in liberal Seattle since about 1995, even running for public office six times. I’m not saying I have no supporters; I got nearly a quarter of the vote in 2007.

The problem is that no one cares enough to step foward and get involved. I’ve crossed paths with a few people who I considered allies for a while, but none of them panned out. They inevitably turn out to be corporate operatives, or they’re simply too stupid or spineless to be of any use.

Thus, I could truthfully claim Hugo Chávez as my first ally if he was to endorse me. Of course, we’re essentially allies already, but I would like to forge a more personal connection. It would be one of the greatest honors of my life.

What KIND of Endorsement?

It is illegal for a U.S. citizen who is running for office to receive financial contributions from foreign nationals. However, I am aware of no law that prohibits foreign political endorsements. After all, we’re talking free speech here, and the term endorsement covers a lot of territory.

Anyone who has followed my political trail knows I run intelligent, hard-hitting campaigns. Some of the things I say may be uncivil, and they may even sound a little kooky to dumbed down citizens who are clueless about the society we live in. For example, even liberals have urged me not to include the dreaded word socialism in my statements in the Voters Pamphlet, lest people think I’m too radical.

Still, I received about 8% of the vote the first time I ran for state office (2000), and I had to compete with four opponents, three of which received enormous establishment support. That was actually a very good showing for a political novice.

Last year, I got nearly a quarter of the vote when I ran for a seat on the Seattle School Board. Again, that’s not a bad showing in this corporate shithole.

My biggest problem is exposure, publicity. The media impose a virtual blackout on me every time I run for office. My websites help, but the great majority of voters apparently make little or no use of the Internet (though I continue working to change that).

I could conceivably get the publicity I need if Hugo Chávez merely mentioned my name. I would like to receive a full endorsement, but even a partial endorsement, tentative endorsement or simple recognition could help tremendously.

Of course, even a full endorsement from Hugo Chávez himself wouldn’t guarantee media coverage. But I could spread the word on my websites and on blogs, and it would certainly appear in the Voters Pamphlet.

If Chávez was willing to get behind my campaign, he could virtually force the media to recognize me. For example, he could discuss this website on one of his television appearances or mention the new Fifth Republic Party he helped inspire.

The possibilities are endless.

If Chávez declines...

So what if Chávez refuses to support my campaign? Obviously, I would be disappointed. It would be very hard for me to get any publicity, meaning thousands of Washingtonian children will get screwed once again while the apathetic morons they call parents look the other way.

But it really won’t change anything. I’ll still support Chávez—indeed, I’ll probably still mention him in the Voters Pamphlet again—and each of us will continue doing our thing, fighting the good fight in our own way.

And keep in mind that I have two offers for Chávez. The second is an invitation to add Bill Gates to his hit list. Though that would be most effective if Chávez did it during my campaign, there’s really no time limit. Even if Chávez never takes on Bill Gates, the mere suggestion could influence other Latin American leaders and inspire ordinary people to give Bill Gates a taste of what he deserves—global blowback.

Get involved! You can join the team by simply visiting Urban Dictionary > Hugo Chavez and clicking the yellow thumbs up icon , indicating you agree with my definition of Hugo Chavez (the first one listed). It may seem trivial, but it’s quick, easy and free, and words and ideas do matter. (On May 13, 2008, the score was 1-3.)